September 24, 2002
More Nightmares

Last week I was irritated that I was getting 8 to 9 hours of sleep a night, and yet my eyes still burned incessantly, and I couldn't wait to get in bed every night. This week I'm sleeping 5 to 7 hours a night, and if I wake up, I WAKE UP. My eyes pop open, and I'm wired for the duration. I'm not sure which is worse; I guess I prefer the latter, since at least I can be productive while I'm UP (I got up and worked on a presentation until 4am Sunday night when it became apparent at 1:45 that I wasn't going to fall asleep).

Meanwhile, when I *am* sleeping, I'm having wedding stress dreams. Two nights ago I dreamed I got the photographer's proofs back, and they included half a roll of film that I'd shot myself. Also included was an itemized list of costs which seemed to be more than we'd contracted for. It was when I tried to add it all up that I woke up.

Then last night, I dreamed I was AIMing with Al, and he started getting more and more hostile. Interestingly, I could hear his voice through my computer, not just see the words on the screen; I remember Lisa was in the house with me, so she could hear the whole conversation. Finally the hostility level rose to the point where he started shrieking about—and I'm not going to get the words just right, but here's the gist—that I was using my Christian dominance to persecute Jewish people like him. [Just for the record, Al and I consider ourselves spiritual but not religious, and his family's not Jewish.] The weird thing is that while I was crying (and telling Lisa I couldn't look at wedding earrings just then), somehow I knew it couldn't be real, that it must just be a nightmare.

I'm a little worried that I'll be running on adrenaline for the next two weeks, and that the day after the wedding I'll break down and get sick. I don't want to ruin the honeymoon—it's the thing I'm most looking forward to after being married to Al—so I'm doing everything I can to take care of myself. Tomorrow night, for example, while Al's at hockey, I'm going for a hot tub and massage at Watercourse Way in Palo Alto. We actually went for a hot tub together last Thursday as well; my shoulders were killing me after a long day at work, and I thought I was going to lose it if I didn't get some relief. Al called Watercourse Way as we drove home, and we were able to take a spot left open by a last-minute cancellation. It was great. That's when I got the idea for a massage, and I booked one on our way out. Can't wait!

One final note for today: it's my dad's 60th birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAD! I feel like he's getting gypped a bit because my wedding is in less than two weeks, and this amazing milestone in his life is being overshadowed by an amazing milestone in mine. Lisa, Ken, Al, and I are planning something special for his gift, though, so hopefully he won't feel too neglected.

Posted by Lori at September 24, 2002 10:10 AM