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<title>wedding blog</title>
<link>http://www.lori-and-al.com/blogs/wedding/</link>
<description></description>
<copyright>Copyright 2005</copyright>
<lastBuildDate>Tue, 01 Oct 2002 09:15:21 -0800</lastBuildDate>
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<item>
<title>Guest Gaffes</title>
<description><![CDATA[<p>
Had another wedding dream last night. This one didn't start out as a wedding dream&#8212;I 
think when it started Al and I were at the Republican National Convention (god 
knows why; perhaps we were spying)&#8212;but soon I realized that we were in a 
castle-like manor in the country, getting ready for our wedding. When I walked 
into one of the rooms to answer a ringing phone, I found that Al had already picked 
it up and was saying, &quot;OK. Yep, OK. We'll see you when you get here, then.&quot; 
</p>
<p>
I was like, &quot;who was that??&quot; I forget who he said it was&#8212;a friend 
from work and his wife, I think&#8212;but they were calling to RSVP for the wedding. 
Sorry we're so late in replying, blah blah blah, but we're coming. &quot;Jeez, 
they're cutting it kind of close, aren't they?&quot; said I. &quot;The wedding's 
tomorrow!&quot; It's odd, because I remember thinking that I didn't feel as indignant 
as I sounded.
</p>
<p>
Next thing I knew, I was waking up in the bed that's in my bedroom in Truckee 
(I recognized the linens), but it was out in the gravel driveway at the manor. 
I was wearing a long nightgown and the big, boofy Mickey Mouse slippers I had 
when I was in college. (I think the college cue was important, because I remember 
thinking at first that the large group of guys walking toward the driveway from 
the adjacent lawn were fraternity brothers.) I then recognized some among them 
and realized that they were wedding guests. I saw Matt L., and said to someone 
off to my right, &quot;where's Eric L.? I need to talk to him.&quot; My voice 
sounded sleepy. 
</p>
<p>
That someone on my right (not among the group of guys) pointed to Matt, who looked 
at me and smiled warmly, but did not say anything. &quot;No, that's Matt. I need 
Eric.&quot; While the person who had pointed walked off to find Eric, I got up 
on my knees on the bed and waved Matt over. He continued to smile until he got 
close, and then he hugged me and said, &quot;long time no see. I'm so happy for 
you.&quot; I thanked him and hugged him back. It was great to see him. 
</p>
<p>
Eric then appeared to the right of the bed, and I scootched over to sit on the 
edge and talk to him. &quot;Who are all these people?&quot; I asked him. &quot;Half 
of them seem to have called yesterday to say they were coming. What's wrong with 
them? Didn't they know we had to give a final count to the caterer last Tuesday?&quot; 
</p>
<p>
Eric replied, &quot;You know why they replied yesterday, don't you?&quot;
</p>
<p>
Me: &quot;No, why?&quot;
</p>
<p>
Eric: &quot;Because the weather's nice. They all decided that they wanted to get 
away for the weekend.&quot;
</p>
<p>
Me: &quot;I wanted to have people at my wedding that I care about, not people 
who want a weekend getaway! This isn't a vacation destination, it's a wedding! 
How are we going to feed all these people?&quot; At this point I definitely felt 
more indignant than before, but at the same time that I was feeling concerned 
and annoyed, my body felt totally relaxed. These people might have been rude to 
impose on us so, but I would not be. I would be gracious and welcoming, and above 
all, calm. 
</p>]]></description>
<link>http://www.lori-and-al.com/blogs/wedding/archives/000790.html</link>
<guid>http://www.lori-and-al.com/blogs/wedding/archives/000790.html</guid>
<category></category>
<pubDate>Tue, 01 Oct 2002 09:15:21 -0800</pubDate>
</item>
<item>
<title>It&apos;s All Easy</title>
<description><![CDATA[<p>
I don't think I wrote about this before, and I wish I had now, but two or three weeks ago I had a few dreams in a row where the theme was, "this is easy!" I can't remember what I was doing in each of the dreams, but it was a different thing each time, and what all the tasks had in common were that they were so effortless.
</p>

<p>
Last night I had another of these dreams. In this one, I was driving a race car (I think it was an Indy car) around a track. There was lesson going on for beginning drivers, but I wasn't a part of it—one of the people at the track just let me drive a car. No matter how hard he told me it was supposed to be, I couldn't help feeling that driving that car around the oval was the easiest, most natural thing in the world. I was good at it!
</p>

<p>
I'm starting to think that every time I get stressed out about the wedding, god sends me one of these little dreams to remind me that if I go with the flow, everything will be effortless.
</p>]]></description>
<link>http://www.lori-and-al.com/blogs/wedding/archives/000789.html</link>
<guid>http://www.lori-and-al.com/blogs/wedding/archives/000789.html</guid>
<category></category>
<pubDate>Mon, 30 Sep 2002 11:14:49 -0800</pubDate>
</item>
<item>
<title>Al Pleads Insanity</title>
<description><![CDATA[<p>
You gotta know that when your fiance starts a conversation with, &quot;I have 
something to tell you that's probably going to make you mad, but all I can do 
is plead insanity...&quot;, it's not going to be good. What came after that sentence 
wasn't *so* bad, but let's just say that it added yet another curve in what I 
thought was going to be a relatively straight walk down the aisle. (I'm not going 
to say what it was, because while I congratulate myself that I've managed to strike 
a balance between diplomacy and complete honesty so far, there's no way to accomplish 
it in this situation.) 
</p>
<p>
Anyway, we were just talking about when we were going to do the walk-through with 
the caterer and the park director, and the only time it's looking like Al can 
do it is on Wednesday between 3 and 4:30. I said, &quot;well, we can always just 
leave work a little early on Wednesday. I have to take you to hockey for a 7:30 
game, get a pedicure, and pick up Sandy from the airport that night anyway, so 
maybe it'll just be good to do the walk-through and then get a coffee and have 
some time to ourselves before all hell breaks loose. No one will miss us at work, 
I'm sure.&quot;
</p>
<p>
Al said OK... and then he looked at his schedule more closely. &quot;Why can't 
I do the walk-through on Thursday?&quot; he asked. &quot;Because you'll be in 
the city with Lisa, Dad, and the kids that day,&quot; I replied. &quot;Oh. [pause] 
I don't have any more PTOs.&quot; (PTO = paid time off.) Me: &quot;Didn't you 
put in for time off for the wedding and honeymoon?&quot; Al: &quot;I put in for 
the honeymoon, but not for the days before the wedding.&quot; Me: &quot;Would 
you like to plead insanity again?&quot; He grinned. 
</p>
<p>
He just called out from the living room: &quot;Man, this is a lot of time to take 
off for the wedding and honeymoon.&quot; I stepped in and gave him a look that 
said, &quot;buddy, you'd better have a good lawyer if you're going to plead insanity 
again,&quot; but I said nothing. &quot;I'm just thinking out loud,&quot; he said. 
</p>]]></description>
<link>http://www.lori-and-al.com/blogs/wedding/archives/000788.html</link>
<guid>http://www.lori-and-al.com/blogs/wedding/archives/000788.html</guid>
<category></category>
<pubDate>Sun, 29 Sep 2002 22:22:14 -0800</pubDate>
</item>
<item>
<title>More Emotional Ups and Downs</title>
<description><![CDATA[<p>
I'm so annoyed with myself because I can't seem to stay on an even emotional keel. 
One minute I'm calm and happy, and the next I'm so irritated I could bash a baguette 
(see &quot;Can't Sleep&quot;). I'm starting to wish for the wedding that the massage 
therapist from Watercourse Way had: &quot;My dad planned the whole thing. I didn't 
even see my dress until the day of the wedding.&quot; 
</p>
<p>
&quot;How did you know it would fit?&quot; I asked, thinking of the multiple fittings 
it took me, and knowing that I had it easy. &quot;He bought it in three sizes,&quot; 
she replied. Hard to imagine. Of course, her wedding was about half as large as 
ours is going to be, and she had it at her house. 
</p>
<p>
It's not that I wish my dad would plan my wedding for me (much as I love my father, 
I actually find that idea a bit creepy); it's that I want some magical person 
to flutter down from the sky and handle the last-minute details. Someone like... 
a wedding planner. Actually, I find that idea even creepier than my dad buying 
my dress, so maybe I'll just have to get used to the emotional overload.
</p>
<p>
I think most of the frustration comes from wanting contradictory things, like 
more time to get everything worked out, and yet also for the wedding day to hurry 
up and get here. When I'm awake, I want to be sleeping. When I should be sleeping, 
I'm wide awake wishing I could be making calls and confirming arrangements. What 
I want most of all just now&#8212;even though there are season premieres to be 
watched and thank-you notes to be written and photos to be framed for gifts&#8212;is 
to get in bed and read a book. I think I'll do that. 
</p>]]></description>
<link>http://www.lori-and-al.com/blogs/wedding/archives/000787.html</link>
<guid>http://www.lori-and-al.com/blogs/wedding/archives/000787.html</guid>
<category></category>
<pubDate>Sun, 29 Sep 2002 21:33:18 -0800</pubDate>
</item>
<item>
<title>Can&apos;t Sleep</title>
<description><![CDATA[<p>
Usually when I have a migraine all I want to do is sleep it off, and I rarely 
have trouble *getting* to sleep (even if I just woke up). Well, I've got a migraine 
now, but I can't sleep to save my life. Al is snoring (softly), and I can't stop 
thinking about all the things that could go wrong this week.
</p>
<p>
Did Al tell John and Kathy that they were invited to the rehearsal dinner? Will 
Al be able to arrange for the walk-through with the caterer and the park director 
on Wednesday? Have we even finalized where we want the buffet table, and what 
color the linens should be? What if Juliana's out sick on Monday, and I can't 
get translations of all the things Al wants the dj to say in Korean? Is it unreasonable 
of me to ask her to translate all that stuff? What if we're not giving the dj 
enough time to learn what to say? Where the heck is the veil? Will it be in by 
Thursday, when I pick up my dress? What if the cake doesn't arrive?
</p>
<p>
I'm feeling quite nauseous at the moment, and I can't tell if it's the migraine 
or just nerves. I'm not in the least nervous about getting married; I am, however, 
nervous as hell that we won't be able to pull off the actual wedding. I've been 
reminding myself for the past couple weeks that time doesn't stop with the wedding&#8212;we'll 
have every weekend for the rest of our lives to clean out the garage, re-do the 
floor in the kitchen, plant flowers, visit friends&#8212;but the fact of the matter 
is that there *is* limited time to get a few specific things done. We need to 
finalize everything with all the vendors, finish getting gifts for all the participants, 
get a final count to the caterer (believe it or not, there are still a couple 
people who haven't RSVPed), get &quot;must play&quot; and &quot;do not play&quot; 
lists to the dj, find a CD player that doesn't make a beeping noise every time 
the play or stop button is pressed, order food for the skating party on Saturday, 
pick up extra food items for the wedding reception, order sushi from Whole Foods, 
assign someone to pick up said sushi... OK, there's probably about a dozen things 
I'm forgetting, but I'm starting to make myself crazy.
</p>
<p>
My friend Jean gave me a piece of advice on Wednesday. She said, &quot;one thing 
that helped me as I was preparing for my wedding was to think, 'how do I want 
to remember the days leading up to my wedding? Do I want to remember how happy 
I was, or that I was a stressball?'&quot; I'm starting to worry that I might remember 
the stressball. 
</p>
<p>
Thursday night at our last meeting with the officiant, I was totally calm and 
relaxed, and so was Al. She couldn't believe it. From almost the moment we left 
that meeting, however, things went downhill. By the time we made it to the Dunbarton 
Bridge, I had destroyed the sourdough baguette we'd bought at Whole Foods after 
leaving the church, there were breadcrumbs everywhere, I skinned a knuckle during 
the tantrum and was still frustrated as hell, and part of the baguette was missing. 
(We found it the next morning under the driver's seat.) 
</p>
<p>
Since then I've sort of been up and down; yesterday I was a bit depressed and 
was beating myself up for being fat, ugly, etc., but today, after a full night's 
sleep, was better. Al and I got a lot of work done around the house: he pulled 
up the old brown linoleum in the upstairs bathroom and put down some new vinyl 
tiles that look great, and I painted the rest of the stairs out front and hung 
new house numbers. He cleaned the upstairs while I made dinner, and then I packed 
up all my mats and frames and cleaned the kitchen while he made dessert. We're 
still in the process of cleaning the living room and mopping the kitchen floor, 
but we feel pretty proud of what we accomplished today. Now, if only I could sleep... 
</p>]]></description>
<link>http://www.lori-and-al.com/blogs/wedding/archives/000786.html</link>
<guid>http://www.lori-and-al.com/blogs/wedding/archives/000786.html</guid>
<category></category>
<pubDate>Sun, 29 Sep 2002 00:42:35 -0800</pubDate>
</item>
<item>
<title>More Nightmares</title>
<description><![CDATA[<p>
Last week I was irritated that I was getting 8 to 9 hours of sleep a night, and 
yet my eyes still burned incessantly, and I couldn't wait to get in bed every 
night. This week I'm sleeping 5 to 7 hours a night, and if I wake up, I WAKE UP. 
My eyes pop open, and I'm wired for the duration. I'm not sure which is worse; 
I guess I prefer the latter, since at least I can be productive while I'm UP (I 
got up and worked on a presentation until 4am Sunday night when it became apparent 
at 1:45 that I wasn't going to fall asleep). 
</p>
<p>
Meanwhile, when I *am* sleeping, I'm having wedding stress dreams. Two nights 
ago I dreamed I got the photographer's proofs back, and they included half a roll 
of film that I'd shot myself. Also included was an itemized list of costs which 
seemed to be more than we'd contracted for. It was when I tried to add it all 
up that I woke up. 
</p>
<p>
Then last night, I dreamed I was AIMing with Al, and he started getting more and 
more hostile. Interestingly, I could hear his voice through my computer, not just 
see the words on the screen; I remember Lisa was in the house with me, so she 
could hear the whole conversation. Finally the hostility level rose to the point 
where he started shrieking about&#8212;and I'm not going to get the words just 
right, but here's the gist&#8212;that I was using my Christian dominance to persecute 
Jewish people like him. [Just for the record, Al and I consider ourselves spiritual 
but not religious, and his family's not Jewish.] The weird thing is that while 
I was crying (and telling Lisa I couldn't look at wedding earrings just then), 
somehow I knew it couldn't be real, that it must just be a nightmare. 
</p>
<p>
I'm a little worried that I'll be running on adrenaline for the next two weeks, 
and that the day after the wedding I'll break down and get sick. I don't want 
to ruin the honeymoon&#8212;it's the thing I'm most looking forward to after being 
married to Al&#8212;so I'm doing everything I can to take care of myself. Tomorrow 
night, for example, while Al's at hockey, I'm going for a hot tub and massage 
at Watercourse Way in Palo Alto. We actually went for a hot tub together last 
Thursday as well; my shoulders were killing me after a long day at work, and I 
thought I was going to lose it if I didn't get some relief. Al called Watercourse 
Way as we drove home, and we were able to take a spot left open by a last-minute 
cancellation. It was great. That's when I got the idea for a massage, and I booked 
one on our way out. Can't wait! 
</p>
<p>
One final note for today: it's my dad's 60th birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAD! I 
feel like he's getting gypped a bit because my wedding is in less than two weeks, 
and this amazing milestone in his life is being overshadowed by an amazing milestone 
in mine. Lisa, Ken, Al, and I are planning something special for his gift, though, 
so hopefully he won't feel too neglected. 
</p>]]></description>
<link>http://www.lori-and-al.com/blogs/wedding/archives/000785.html</link>
<guid>http://www.lori-and-al.com/blogs/wedding/archives/000785.html</guid>
<category></category>
<pubDate>Tue, 24 Sep 2002 10:10:26 -0800</pubDate>
</item>
<item>
<title>Great Wedding Freakout Finally Arrives After Long Delay</title>
<description><![CDATA[<p>
While going over the calendar with Al a few weeks ago, I pointed out our trip 
to Baltimore/Washington over Labor Day, and then said, &quot;that means that the 
Great Wedding Freakout happens here [pointing to September 4], the day after we 
return. We'll have a month and two days until the wedding at that point, and that's 
when it'll probably hit us.&quot; 
</p>
<p>
&quot;Mark it on the calendar, then,&quot; replied Al. I did. 
</p>
<p>
Strangely, when we returned from our Labor Day trip, we were both totally calm. 
Everything was going well, we seemed to have everything under control, and we 
weren't nervous. Every morning we'd wake up and say or think, &quot;I guess the 
Great Wedding Freakout has been delayed!&quot; I think we secretly hoped it wasn't 
coming at all.
</p>
<p>
Well, it arrived yesterday, full bore, like it had been gathering strength just 
off the coast. It hit when we looked at the calendar and saw only three items 
for the next three weeks: Bridal Shower on 9/22, Dad's 60th Birthday on 9/24, 
and Bleach Hair, on 9/27. We knew there were a zillion loose ends left; why weren't 
they on the calendar? Were they too small to merit being placed on the calendar? 
Were they so small that they were likely to slip through a crack somewhere? 
</p>
<p>
And so it began. We made lists of everything we could think of that remained to 
do, and then compared lists. Surprisingly, they overlapped by only about 10%. 
I'm glad both of us are working on this, because I obviously couldn't do it alone! 
</p>]]></description>
<link>http://www.lori-and-al.com/blogs/wedding/archives/000784.html</link>
<guid>http://www.lori-and-al.com/blogs/wedding/archives/000784.html</guid>
<category></category>
<pubDate>Tue, 17 Sep 2002 09:54:04 -0800</pubDate>
</item>
<item>
<title>Hyatt Honeymoon Warm-Up</title>
<description><![CDATA[<p>
After all the stressing about the wedding-free weekend and declaring that we would 
NOT play golf, we ended up having a LOVELY wedding-free weekend that included 
golf! On Thursday Al suggested that we drive down to Monterey, and set about finding 
us a B&amp;B. He sent me link after link via AIM, but though many of the places 
looked really nice and romantic, they were either booked or required a two-night 
minimum stay. We wanted only Saturday night.
</p>
<p>
Just for kicks, I looked up Monterey hotels on Expedia, and the first listing 
it returned was the Hyatt Monterey. It sounded great to me from the very beginning. 
I thought, &quot;cool, a large, semi-lux hotel will have a clean, simple room, 
and we can always walk the 10 blocks to the beach if we want.&quot; Then I noticed 
that the hotel backed up to a golf course. This was *exactly* the kind of place 
I'd been looking for in Half Moon Bay earlier in the week. I didn't want to get 
my or Al's hopes up, though; no stress was more important to me then getting a 
tee time.
</p>
<p>
I asked Al if he wanted me to make a reservation, but he wasn't too keen on it. 
He was thinking that a big hotel wouldn't be that cozy, and that a B&amp;B would 
be better. I said OK, whatever, you find a place. No stress for me, I thought 
firmly. About an hour later, Al AIMed to say, &quot;go ahead and book the Hyatt.&quot; 
I did, noting on the reservation that we were getting married in three weeks, 
and we wanted to spend a weekend away from all the planning, so we'd like a quiet 
room. I said to Al, &quot;we can bring our golf clubs in case there's a chance 
to play, but I don't want to work to get a tee time.&quot; He said OK. 
</p>
<p>
The next day Al called to see about tee times, and they said they were wide open 
after 1pm on Saturday and after 11am on Sunday. We couldn't believe it! The Pebble 
Beach area is a golf mecca, and September and October are lovely seasons on the 
Monterey peninsula, so it seemed inconceivable that they wouldn't be booked. Al 
made no tee time; he just figured we could walk on if we wanted to. 
</p>
<p>
We woke up around 9am on Saturday, and I showered, dressed, and spent about 30 
minutes on realtor.com checking house prices in Maryland while Al ran a couple 
errands. When he returned, we fed the cats, put our golf clubs and overnight bags 
in the car (along with a bottle of my favorite wine and some rice krispie treats), 
and headed out. It was just before noon. No rush. 
</p>
<p>
First stop was in Saratoga for some coffee at Starbucks and a tank of gas, and 
then we continued on to Monterey. We took our time and enjoyed the scenery, but 
still managed to get down to the Monterey peninsula at around 1:30pm. We figured 
it was too early to check in, and we were hungry, so we went on to Carmel for 
lunch. We had burgers/veggie burgers at R.G.'s, checked out a fish market for 
another potential meal, stopped in the Safeway for a bit of chocolate, and visited 
the Long's Drugs for fiery Cheetos and some notecards.
</p>
<p>
We got a little lost trying to find the hotel because the only directions I had 
were from the north, and now we were coming up from the south. After a few wrong 
turns and a bit of frustration (which we blamed on the surly attitude of the clerk 
at Long's&#8212;we figured he'd temporarily interrupted our flow of happy vibes), 
we finally found the Hyatt. It looked GREAT. Instead of a high-rise hotel, it 
was a series of three-story bungalow-type buildings surrounding a golf course. 
There were flowers everywhere, and a fountain at the entrance.
</p>
<p>
When we checked in, the desk clerk saw the note in our reservation and congratulated 
us on our upcoming wedding. Then he read further and said, &quot;oh, did I just 
blow something?&quot; I said, no, and thanks very much, it's fine. He said he 
would upgrade us to a ground-floor golf course view room and added, &quot;you 
can sit on the patio with a drink and enjoy the sunset from there.&quot; So nice! 
He asked if we had any dinner plans, and when we shook our heads, he said, &quot;oh 
right, this weekend is supposed be about *not* planning.&quot; :) 
</p>
<p>
The room was very nice, and it was adjacent to the 18th tee. The view was absolutely 
lovely. We hung out there for a bit enjoying the view, and then around 4:45pm 
we drove over to the golf clubhouse. Since it was after 4pm, the price to walk 
was $22 a person (more reasonable than practically anywhere we've ever played 
on the west coast), and they said we could head right out. We looked around for 
the starter for a while, and finally saw an employee who said, &quot;oh, just 
go. There's no one out there.&quot; He was right: there was no one ahead of or 
behind us. We had the course to ourselves, which felt great. We played 9 holes 
and arrived back at the clubhouse at about 10 minutes to 7. 
</p>
<p>
After a quick cleanup, a change of clothes, and a glass of wine, we went to the 
hotel restaurant for dinner. The food was adequate, not spectacular, but the atmosphere 
was very cozy and romantic. It was fun to relax and watch the people walking back 
and forth to the pool outside the window. 
</p>
<p>
The next morning Al went out to Starbucks to get us coffee while I took a shower. 
He came back with the drinks and a Sunday New York Times, and we spent the next 
two hours or so drinking coffee, reading the paper, and first watching the Jets 
game on TV, then the golfers on the 18th tee (even the earliest golfers don't 
make it to the 18th until 11am or so). It was so relaxing that we didn't want 
to leave; in fact, we were determined to make the most of the 12pm checkout time.
</p>
<p>
When that time finally rolled around, we did the video checkout, put our bags 
in the car, and then walked around the grounds a bit, inhaling one last relaxing 
breath of Hyatt hospitality. We weren't quite ready to head for home, so we went 
back to the fish market in Carmel for lunch. A cup of yummy clam chowder (Lori) 
and a crabcake sandwich (Al) later, and we turned the car back towards Mountain 
View, where we are now. I hope our honeymoon is as nice as this weekend has been! 
</p>]]></description>
<link>http://www.lori-and-al.com/blogs/wedding/archives/000783.html</link>
<guid>http://www.lori-and-al.com/blogs/wedding/archives/000783.html</guid>
<category></category>
<pubDate>Sun, 15 Sep 2002 16:49:00 -0800</pubDate>
</item>
<item>
<title>Wedding-Free Weekend Woes</title>
<description><![CDATA[<p>
During our second meeting with the officiant, she suggested that sometime before the wedding we take a wedding-free weekend for ourselves. The idea would be to get off the wedding planning merry-go-round and remember why we're getting married in the first place.
</p>

<p>
Luckily we've had time to reflect on why we're getting married already, because trying to plan a wedding-free weekend has left me stressed out and depressed. I've planned a freaking wedding and honeymoon already, and now I have to plan a weekend? It's too much. The original picture I had in my head was that we'd spend a day working on projects at Al's house (painting the bathroom, fixing stuff, organizing, whatever), and then we'd go out to dinner and maybe check into a hotel somewhere. Sunday we could spend at the hotel, going for a drive, walking on the ocean cliffs, or something else peaceful and private.
</p>

<p>
Al then mentioned playing golf, so I tried to find a hotel that's near a golf course. My first choice, the Half Moon Bay Golf Links, has two nice hotels adjacent to it, but both are booked. I next tried the east bay, but it seems like it's all business hotels over there. Starwood Preferred Guest has weekend escapes, but they all involve flying somewhere else. I found a romance package at the Doubletree Hotel & Suites near the airport (it backs up to the Bay Trail, and I've always wanted to stay there), but the nearby Poplar Creek Golf Course has no tee times until 4:30pm on Sunday.
</p>

<p>
I think it was while searching for tee times at Poplar Creek that I finally reached my limit and slid into misery. I banned golf. I don't want to play golf. I feel rushed when I play golf. It eats up 5 hours of precious weekend time, for pete's sake! Plus, we just played over Labor Day, and we're going to play a bunch on our honeymoon, when time isn't a big deal. 
</p>

<p>
Banning golf isn't enough, though; I'm still miserable. I want a pleasant weekend to plan itself, dammit!
</p>]]></description>
<link>http://www.lori-and-al.com/blogs/wedding/archives/000782.html</link>
<guid>http://www.lori-and-al.com/blogs/wedding/archives/000782.html</guid>
<category></category>
<pubDate>Mon, 09 Sep 2002 15:37:26 -0800</pubDate>
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<title>Dress Dream</title>
<description><![CDATA[<p>
Had a second wedding nightmare last night. Again with the dress! This time, I had it with me, but when I put it on, it was (a) too loose, and (b) the train was dirty, as if it'd already been worn. The buttons on the side kept coming undone, and the top kept falling down. Lisa was trying to button it back up for me. 
</p>

<p>
The dream probably reflected my anxiety over the final fitting; I've lost 8lbs. since I went in for the first fitting, and while I feel great, I'm nervous that the dress will need to be altered again.
</p>]]></description>
<link>http://www.lori-and-al.com/blogs/wedding/archives/000781.html</link>
<guid>http://www.lori-and-al.com/blogs/wedding/archives/000781.html</guid>
<category></category>
<pubDate>Fri, 06 Sep 2002 13:18:49 -0800</pubDate>
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<title>Kissing in Public</title>
<description><![CDATA[<p>
I
realized after I'd done it this morning that I'd committed a breach of custom, but almost as soon as I realized it, I shrugged it off: I always kiss Al goodbye in the morning. It felt normal and right, so I didn't apologize.
It could also be that, as Al suspects, I'm developing shields. Not every thing that his parents say has an effect on how I act.
</p>
<p>
Maybe I should back up a bit an explain. When we arrived at the condo on Sunday, Al and I sat on the couch in the living room, talking to his mom. I must've said something sweet, because Al leaned over and kissed me. That's when Al's mom told me (not him, me) that kissing in public was not the Korean custom. Ditto putting one's arm around one's beloved. &quot;Ah,&quot; I said. &quot;Public displays of affection are out, huh?&quot; Mrs. Cho nodded firmly.
</p>
<p>
I spent the rest of the day on Sunday and all of Monday assiduously avoiding kissing Al, and I'd look  around to make sure the coast was clear before receiving any kisses from him. If it wasn't, I'd duck away. This felt very *un*natural, and it made showing affection for Al, the person I love with every fiber of my being, seem somehow shameful. It was probably also the main factor in my feeling like
I had to be &quot;on&quot; all the time. I had to be aware of offending at every turn.
</p>
<p>
When Al mentioned the shields thing last night, I said, &quot;I think that's where my parents were going when they said that our marriage should be all about US. That we should do what's right for us first, and if anyone else doesn't like it, tough. The rest of the world will have to adapt.&quot;
My parents will celebrate their 35th  anniversary a month after our wedding, so maybe they're on to something. And for their part, perhaps the Chos are just sharing a tip that worked for them in their 40 years together: by nixing PDAs (and here I use PDA to mean what it did when I was in high school, long before USRobotics developed the PalmPilot), they protected their affection for each other from outside interference.
</p>
<p>
In the final analysis, I think I'll try to strike a balance between expressing what I feel, and trying not to offend.
I guess that's as applicable in business and daily personal relationships as it is in my relationship with my parents and in-laws. I just think that expressing how I feel seems more important now, as Al and I prepare to take a big step together&#8212;one that involves making about as public a statement of how we feel about each other as we possibly can.
</p>]]></description>
<link>http://www.lori-and-al.com/blogs/wedding/archives/000780.html</link>
<guid>http://www.lori-and-al.com/blogs/wedding/archives/000780.html</guid>
<category></category>
<pubDate>Tue, 03 Sep 2002 17:36:18 -0800</pubDate>
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<title>Cho Ready Golf</title>
<description><![CDATA[<p>
I woke up worn out today. Between the migraine that started around noon yesterday (and lasted, as migraines do, for several hours) and the stomach troubles that came on almost immediately after finishing dinner (whether they were due to a sudden increase in food consumption brought about by being around parental units, or by the unopened clam in my seafood vegetable soup, I can't say for sure), I was physically beat. 
Add an emotional weariness from having to be &quot;on&quot; all day Sunday, and I was feeling pretty withdrawn and listless.
</p>
<p>
We had a 9:00 tee time scheduled at a course in Clifton, so we were all up at 7am to eat breakfast. Mrs. Cho had made a special meal of french toast just for me, and though my stomach was still making snap-crackle-and-pop noises, I did my best to enjoy it. I've never eaten french toast with honey before, but it was very good, and I appreciated the very kind gesture.
</p>
<p>
In the car on the way to the course I said to Al that there would be no tantrums on the course today because I just didn't have the energy for them. When we arrived (in record time, according to Mr. Cho) at the course at 8:20, we discovered that our tee time was actually for 9:27, so Al and I went to hit some balls on the practice range. That's where I discovered that *not* swinging hard produced better results than swinging for the fences did. It's also where I finally got the hang of chipping.
</p>
<p>
In the cart on the way to the first tee, I repeated the sentiment that I was going to stay calm and relaxed today. I did, even though I shot a 10 on the first hole (and that was a handicap-limited 10, not a real one; I picked up my ball before I had a chance to putt out). I let the bad shots go, didn't bang my club at all, and rejoiced in the good shots (including a 25 foot putt for par and several great tee and fairway shots).
I shot a 126, about average for me on a fairly easy course such as this one, but I didn't really care about the score. It was just fun not caring about *every single shot* as if it were the freaking Masters. 
</p>
<p>
I remember the first time I played golf with the Chos, too, and how uptight I was. (See <a href="javascript:;" onClick="window.open('/blogs/wedding/archives/000032.html','blogWin','width=600,height=400,scrollbars=yes,menubar=yes,resizable=yes')">Lori's Rules of Golf</a> for more info on how uptight I can be.) I couldn't believe it when Mrs. Cho and Al ended up hitting from the fairway at the same time on at least three holes, and if I'm not mistaken, that round was the reason for rule #3. Al explained it by saying, &quot;they're just playing Cho Ready golf. They go when they're ready.&quot;
</p>
<p>
So I came prepared to play Cho Ready golf today, and I was in the perfect frame of mind for it (listless and withdrawn, if you'll recall). I wasn't particularly surprised when Al floored the accelerator in our cart while his mom was still behind us hitting from the fairway (me: &quot;Cho Ready golf?&quot; Al: &quot;yep.&quot;), and I was only momentarily startled when Al's dad picked up my ball from where it had landed, to the right of the cartpath and behind a tree, and tossed it onto the fairway. Did I yell, &quot;GOOD GOD, MAN, THAT'S RULE #1!&quot;? No, indeed. I just looked wildly around for a second, and then said, &quot;uh, thanks!&quot;
</p>]]></description>
<link>http://www.lori-and-al.com/blogs/wedding/archives/000779.html</link>
<guid>http://www.lori-and-al.com/blogs/wedding/archives/000779.html</guid>
<category></category>
<pubDate>Mon, 02 Sep 2002 20:27:15 -0800</pubDate>
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<title>The In-Laws</title>
<description><![CDATA[<p>
I must confess that I was a bit nervous as we drove from Westminster to Columbia this morning.
I thought I was going to be cool, but there
was this little part of me that was on high alert.
</p>
<p>
Mom and dad led the way to route 32, and then they let us pass them and lead the rest of the way. I'd never been to the Sheraton before, but we found it without too much difficulty, arriving about 10 minutes early. Mr. &amp; Mrs. Cho were waiting for us already in front of the Waterside restaurant. I introduced my parents, and there were smiles and handshakes all around. Mom then took us all aside so she could snap a few photos. 
</p>
<p>
At a few minutes past eleven, they opened the doors to the restaurant, and we were seated. Mom, dad, and the Chos did an admirable job making conversation without needing much help from Al or me, and the buffet did pretty much the job I thought it would&#8212;getting us up from the table at different times so that smaller conversations between different people could be started. The main topic of converstaion for me and mom was the food, since we love buffets, and this one was quite good. :)
The main topic between me and Al was the migraine that was fast developing, and whether my vision would be clear enough for me to drive. (As it turned out, it cleared before the end of the meal.)
</p>
<p>
Mom also told the story of how she got the dress that she's going to wear to the wedding: it's the dress that Anne wore to Peggy's son John's wedding last year. Anne didn't want it anymore, and mom had admired it, so Anne mailed it to mom to see if it fit. It did, so mom had a dress. Boom, done. Mom asked Mrs. Cho if she'd found a dress yet, and when she replied that she had not, I think it was Mr. Cho who suggested that I help her find one, and mom who seconded the motion. (Might have been the other way around; I can't remember.) Anyway, I agreed to go to the mall with Mrs. Cho after brunch if she wanted to.
</p>
<p>
After
the meal we all went outside so I could take a few black &amp; white photos of everybody, and then we said goodbye to my parents and followed Mr. &amp; Mrs. Cho back to their condo in Virginia.
Mrs. Cho didn't seem too excited about going shopping at first, but Al said he would come too (to my relief), and that seemed to be the thing that convinced her. 
</p>
<p>
Tyson's II is just across the street from the Cho condo, but Mrs. Cho said she'd tried the stores there and hadn't found anything, so we drove over to Tyson's I and went to Hecht's. It took us about 15 minutes of scouring the racks before we decided that the dress that Mrs. Cho had picked out in the first 5 minutes was the only one worth trying on. She did, and it looked fabulous, so that's the one we took to the register. Bonus: it was on sale. Woo hoo! Mission accomplished. Mrs. Cho will be wearing a lovely royal blue chiffon-type dress and jacket combination.
</p>
<p>
After Hecht's Mrs. Cho took me jewelry shopping; we were trying to find some earrings for me to wear at the wedding. I think she's hoping to buy me a piece of jewelry that I'll be able to pass on to my own daughter someday, should I have one. We found a couple possibilities that involved sapphires, which I love (and which would fill the &quot;something blue&quot; spot), but we've yet to make any definite decisions.
</p>]]></description>
<link>http://www.lori-and-al.com/blogs/wedding/archives/000778.html</link>
<guid>http://www.lori-and-al.com/blogs/wedding/archives/000778.html</guid>
<category></category>
<pubDate>Sun, 01 Sep 2002 18:08:21 -0800</pubDate>
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<title>Lori&apos;s Rules of Golf</title>
<description><![CDATA[<ol>
  <li>
Don't pick up my ball for any reason.</li>
  <li>Don't mark my ball for me on the green (see rule #1).</li>
  <li>When removing the flagstick from the cup, don't place it anywhere that an errant putt might hit it.</li>
  <li>Don't look at me when I'm swinging.</li>
</ol>
<p>
There are probably others, but these are the ones mom took note of when we were playing together on Saturday. Mom &amp; I rode in one cart, since we were both hitting from the red tees, and Dad and Al rode in another, since they were both hitting from the whites. 
</p>
<p>
We played the Bear Creek course near my parents' house; it's a hilly course with interesting holes that I really like. Al noted that it wasn't really conducive to his style of play, since the yardages were relatively short, and the fairways narrow. It's actually a more challenging
course for women, now that I think of it; the slope is quite high, and so are the distances. 
</p>
<p>
I had a pretty terrible game&#8212;and screamed a few expletives at various intervals as a consequence&#8212;but it was fun to be out with Al and my parents. My mom's a hoot to golf with, and she's the next best thing to Al when it comes to a cart partner, but I really did miss Al's patient smile greeting me after each shot. 
</p>
<p>
After golf we went to dinner at Park's Landing, where Al was able to order two steamed crabs, green beans, french fries, and a crabcake sandwhich, and also share some of my steamed shrimp. Call it the Maryland seafood sampler. Mom then suggested that we go for ice cream (!), so we did that, and then we walked around historic Uniontown for a bit. Mom took me there yesterday because she wanted to look at the buildings up close, and I'd seen a Victorian property that would be a perfect bed &amp; breakfast, so I wanted to show it to Al.
</p>
<p>
With only about 15 of the 5000 calories we'd just consumed burned off, we headed back to mom &amp; dad's to play Catchphrase. Two hours and a couple laughter-induced asthma attacks later... here we are, ready for an early bedtime. Tomorrow we go to Columbia to meet up with Mr. &amp; Mrs. Cho.
</p>]]></description>
<link>http://www.lori-and-al.com/blogs/wedding/archives/000777.html</link>
<guid>http://www.lori-and-al.com/blogs/wedding/archives/000777.html</guid>
<category></category>
<pubDate>Sat, 31 Aug 2002 18:47:18 -0800</pubDate>
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<title>Meet the Parents</title>
<description><![CDATA[<p>
Can't remember if I mentioned that Al &amp; I were going to be in the Baltimore-Washington area this weekend. The idea behind the visit is to introduce our parents, who live 90 minutes apart by car,
to each other. I came yesterday (that's how I could write such a long entry&#8212;I was on a plane&#8212;and Al arrives today. I'm at the airport right now, waiting to pick him up. (He missed his flight out of San Jose this morning, so he took slightly later flights from SJC and DEN.)
</p>
<p>
I've already gotten to spend a night with my sister, which was really nice. I hung out with Lisa and Mattalyn, my niece, while my brother-in-law took Jake, my nephew,  to
soccer practice. When the kids had eaten and gone to bed, Lisa and I stayed up talking and watching the Thursday night lineup on HGTV. She also worked on my back a bit (something's been out, and it's been causing weakness in my left leg).
</p>
<p>
This morning Lisa, Ken, dad, and I, along with Bubbles, Archie, and Angus (the dogs) saw the kids off on the school bus, I helped Ken with a few computer tasks, and then Lisa and I drove to the school so Lisa could do a couple things for Mattie's teacher. I got a tour of the school, bought a pencil from the dispenser in the hall for twenty-five cents, and felt relieved not to be a kid anymore.
</p>
<p>
After the school, Lisa and I went shopping at Kohl's for about 30 minutes, and then we met mom for lunch at the Amish market in Westminster. I'm glad I suggested we meet for lunch; it was fun to have time with my mom and sister. Since the rest of the weekend is about the parents, it was really the only opportunity for the three of us to hang out.
</p>
<p>
Tonight and tomorrow night Al and I will spend with my parents. We have a tee time at Bear Creek Golf Course at 11am tomorrow, and we're all crossing our fingers that it won't rain. (I think Lisa is secretly hoping it will, so she &amp; the kids will get to see Al.) I haven't played golf in a while, and I'm eager for the four of us to go out. I don't think my parents have ever played golf with Al before; he's an amazingingly good sport, so it's an almost guaranteed good time.
</p>
<p>
On Sunday morning we'll drive to Columbia, an hour from my parents' house and an hour from the Cho's condo in McLean, where the six of us will have brunch at the Waterside Restaurant in the Sheraton Columbia. Hopefully our parents will like each other, and they'll have things in common to talk about. (Golf, for one thing.)
After the meal we'll say goodbye to my parents and follow Mr. and Mrs. Cho to their place, where we'll spend Sunday and Monday nights. Mr. Cho has arranged for us to play 9 holes together on Monday, so we'll have another chance for golf even if it rains tomorrow.
</p>]]></description>
<link>http://www.lori-and-al.com/blogs/wedding/archives/000776.html</link>
<guid>http://www.lori-and-al.com/blogs/wedding/archives/000776.html</guid>
<category></category>
<pubDate>Fri, 30 Aug 2002 14:19:07 -0800</pubDate>
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