August 09, 2002
The Stupid Hat

As we were walking out the door this morning, Al said to me, "do you have everything?" (He was referring to my overnight bag, laptop bag, purse, and their contents, since he was about to take me to the airport.)

"Yes, I think so," I replied, "but you'll have to lock the door, because I don't know where my keys are."

"They're in your hand," he pointed out.

Duh. I have a habit of looking for things that are in my hand, and of dropping things because I forget I'm holding them. I don't think it's a lack of sensation, but rather a lack of sense. The obvious escapes me.

Thinking about this idiocy reminded me of a remark that Al made in the car last night: he said that he feels like the moment he got engaged, he put on a Stupid Hat. He never thought he'd be one of those guys who didn't know his kids' teachers' names, or which doctor they went to, or when the bills were due. But since becoming engaged, he feels like I'm on top of everything, and he doesn't know what's going on.

This is not something I hold against him; in fact, *I* feel like I might have taken charge a bit and left him out of the loop. Though it may seem that the elaborate color-coded calendar hanging in the kitchen would be a way to keep him abreast of all the important dates as well as the big picture, what it may have communicated is that I'm organized enough for both of us. And it's possible that he knows that I have secret backup plans for the things on his list that matter to me, just in case something goes wrong or he forgets an item.

I think both of us are hoping that unlike my chronic not-seeing-what's-in-my-hands thing—which pre-dated any wedding planning and is probably related to the fact that I carried a Kleenex around in my hand so often as a kid that it seemed like another finger—the Stupid Hat is a passing phenomenon that won't carry into our marriage. In fact, his not wanting to be an out-of-touch dad is one of the things that made me feel more comfortable about becoming a parent.

I guess the first step to removing the Stupid Hat is to recognize that it's on your head...and it seems Al is already better at knowing what's on his head than I am at knowing what's in my hands. Hats off!

Posted by Lori at August 09, 2002 07:28 PM